Friday, December 19, 2008

Memory

"the mental capacity or faculty of retaining and reviving facts, events, impressions, etc., or of recalling or recognizing previous experiences."

I discovered the power of memories yesterday. Well, I've always reveled in the beauty of them, but yesterday, as I hugged some of my closest friends for the last time until the summer and looked around my campus for the final time until fall, I realized how important they were going to be for me over the next few months. 

I tried really hard not to cry. I just finished mentioning my usual lack-of-tears, so, as of yesterday, you can call me a liar. I made it to about an hour before I was set to leave. I made it past lunch, and the tears of my friends as we saw some of the seniors who wouldn't be there when we returned. But still my cheeks kept dry. I made it through a trip with my friend A, and heading back to my dorm. 

I made it.

That is, until I went to Starbucks with a different love, M, and a song came on about life being like a slideshow.

That's when it started to hit me that I wouldn't be driving on these streets, or sitting next to this person, or going to this particular place for quite some time. And when I got back, certain people would be gone - I'd never pass them on the way to a class or eat lunch with them or go out with them on the weekends. & that's when it happened. 

Crystal tears welled up in the corner of my eyes despite my bravest battle against them. I kept my eyes straight ahead as they started to silently slide down my cheeks, completely ignoring my internal protestations.  So much for my front.

Moments later, M piped up from beside me "It's starting to hit me." We turned to look at each other and couldn't help but laugh as we realized we had both quietly started crying.

Well, that was it. The leak in the wall you can't close up. After that I went through 3 different sets of hysterics as I left some of the best people I've ever met. This may seem extremely emotional, but, I'm serious when I say I'm not one to cry at every little instance. THAT was not a lie. So I can only justify the tears by saying that I am the luckiest individual around, because I'm blessed with a group of friends who are truly remarkable - and therefore, dreadfully difficult to leave.

So now, it's me and my memories. "God gave us memory so we could have roses in winter." Well, I've got a hold on them and they aren't going anywhere until I'm back with the people I love best to make new ones. Every laugh, every joke, every meal, every trip, every bit of drama, every ounce of love and support, every dance party, mistake, hug, drive, coffee, gift, song, movie, day, night, nap, tear, walk and conversation. They're all here. & they're what keeps me going.

Now and forever - in the case of my friends at college, and my life in general. For the people I have and the people I've lost. The places I've been, the places that are gone. The sights and sounds of my past. The moments that were cut short, the experiences that ended before they should have, feelings, smells, holidays, happiness, sorrow... I've got my memories. & until I can have my actual roses once again, they'll have to be the next best thing.

Happy Friday

XOXO

DG

6 comments:

Jane Opal said...

It's true. Your memories are one of the best gifts you have. :]

Jane Opal said...

Yes. I'm sorry, but it is terrible that you are jealous of me...because I don't live in the UK!!! haha! You really gave me a good laugh this morning. :] Nah, I just love the way they talk there. My friends and I frequently break out into random British accents. Tis quite fun, what ho! lol.

Meaghan said...

thanks for my comment! i can't believe i'm saucy!

AmberP said...

Oh I LOVE memories... great post :)
Thanks for stopping by my blog lovely lady!

kels said...

I totally can relate to what you're going through. Although I'm not in school, all of my friends are seniors this year... and we're realizing this is probably the last time we'll all be together at the same time... and a few of my friends from in town graduated yesterday and headed back to their homes. So sad. But you have been a good reminder to hold on to those memories. :)

I did not do my own blog layout... Danielle at www.blogsbydanielle.blogspot.com did it. She is great.

shifo2500 said...

you are a good writer :D