Saturday, December 13, 2008

Rice Noodles

"Noodles that are made from rice. Their typical ingredients are rice flour and water, however, sometimes other ingredients such as tapioca or corn starch are added..." (go figure)

I spent some time with a friend this evening, *attempting* to write a paper. It didn't work out too well, and after falling asleep for a few minutes, I gave up and decided I wanted to spend my night snuggled under some blankets with Piper and Molly (note: stuffed bunny & puppy), a rice noodle soup bowl and a comfy movie. Never mind that it's a Saturday, and the last one of the semester at that.

So my lovely friend graciously drove me back to my dorm to prevent a chilly walk in the crisp 18 degree air (she's an amazing individual who certainly deserves a post or two in her honor) . Well, naturally, only moments after reaching my room I realize I left my recently purchased and promptly desired soup at her place.  

Being the proactive individual that I am (most of the time) I slipped my shoes back on and headed out for a cold walk after all. I'd be damned if I didn't get what I wanted. 

Retrieving the soup was an easy enough success, and once I became adjusted to the air (or simply numb...) I started doing what always seems to happen when it's just me and nature. I started to calm down. I started to think, but my thoughts came at a lazy, tranquil pace instead of garbled and rushed like they've been lately. 

I heard the ocean in the distance, and a brief pang of sadness hit me as I realized I'd be leaving this place in less then one week, on a grand adventure no less, but in a place guaranteed to be significantly different, and lacking the magnificent ocean as a backyard.

Instead of heading back to the cozy confines of my room, I followed the sound, almost as if I was being pulled the same way the tide did the waves. I know I didn't visit the ocean enough this semester. I didn't go for quiet walks enough either, or my nightly runs. I have no doubt those are the main reasons this semester was, while wonderful the majority of the time, a stressful rollercoaster at others. I gave up my therapy. Tonight, I was going to bring it back.

I walked towards the vast expanse in a darkness that wasn't really dark at all - lit up as it was by a giant moon in the crisp, clear sky. I glanced upward, breathing deeply and scanning the heavens - and that's when I saw the first one. A bright star went shooting past in front of me - I smiled and wished - ridiculously happy at the glimmer of light that seemed to shine just for me. 

The sounds of other students faded away as I continued towards the ocean.  Soon it was just me and the sea. I stood there for a while, alternating between a scan of the sky and leisurely watching the waves roll in and out. As the moon threw its light across the surface, the water sparkled as if it were a mirror of above. I watched and thought, and watched and thought, and relaxed to the rhythm of the sea. And suddenly, in a moment of complete clarity, I knew that everything was going to be alright. I was alright. The worries of the past weeks, the conflicts I'd been feeling, the crazy ranges of emotion... they just slipped away.  & just as that clarity reached me, my eyes moved towards the sky again and another shooting star flew reassuringly by - as if to say, "That's right. You've got it." I had to smile at that. So I did, as I made my second wish with the waves dancing in front of me and the stars above twinkling like a million mischievous winks.

Not long after, groups of students began passing on the street, likely leaving one party for the next.  As the boisterous laughter of the guys and the high-pitched squealing of the girls reached my ears, I found myself unbelievably annoyed at the interruption of my silence. And yet, at the same time, I almost felt like laughing, because in that moment, as I heard some girls cuss and a raucous comment from some guy, I realized in another perfect moment (two shooting stars, two lessons?), I'm done

As I finally left my reverie and headed back to my place, my feelings had me in a daze. I was smiling as I walked, but the pure, complete clarity and understanding I felt almost made me cry. And I thought,

I'm done trying to be like the majority of you [college kiddos]. I'm ashamed that I let myself get caught up in the game, believing the "experience" meant pouring liquor down my throat and acting with abandon. But I'm done now. I'm going back to being me.  I lost hold of the rope for a while, but its in my grasp again. "I've got the world on a string" and I won't let it slip away. 

I don't want to be one of the girls who stumble down the street with their hazy eyes fixed on some equally hazy guy or the road in front of them in an attempt not to trip. & I don't want to get involved with guys who have no concept of what it means to be a gentleman and can't look past the next girl, the next weekend, the next drink... I'm done. While your drunken gazes are fixed on each other and making mistakes you'll regret the next day but make again next Friday, my eyes are taking in the ocean and the sky. I get to notice the shooting stars, the moon, the ocean, the glimmer, the life... while you miss it all, completely oblivious.
As those stars shot by, the most unbelievable feeling of comfort, clarity and joy enveloped me and continues to fill me up at this very moment. I feel whole again. I feel true. Everything is going to be alright. 

Who knew a rice noodle soup bowl could do so much =]




Chase said...

This is an absolutely beautiful post.

"I started to think, but my thoughts came at a lazy, tranquil pace instead of garbled and rushed like they've been lately.
I heard the ocean in the distance...

Life changes when our thoughts slow into focus.

Live with Excellence.

Kyle said...

well, I don't really understand. Haha

Anonymous said...

Get me one bowl of that soup!

I loved you comment on one minute writer so I decided to check your blog and say hi. And I ended up reading your blog for a while. I loved this post! The way you write is really beautiful.

kels said...

hey! just came across your blog from SITS. you are such a beautiful writer! I'm jealous. :)

Debbie Y. said...

When I read your blog, I realized in an instant that you are not an ordinary college student. You are way more mature than the majority of students we see and hear about on the television, news, etc. Campus life (a rite of passage) to some is a lot harder than we perceive. I am glad that you are level-headed and see the bigger picture. The ocean, moon, and stars are wonderful mood stabilizers aren't they?

Thanks for the comment love on my SITS FB day.